AFRICANS, STOP STIGMATIZING UNMARRIED LADIES
Published Sep 11, 2017
Updated Jun 13, 2024
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Some years ago, a friend of mine brought another friend to stay in my room at the school hostel without prior notice. While telling me about her friend, she insisted on the fact that “she is married” as though it made her some sort of champion that we all needed to make way for. In African societies, a woman who reaches a certain age without some form of attachment to a man is considered unfortunate.
If Africans were to rewrite the first verses of 1st Corinthians 13 in the Bible for women, it would probably read something like this:
1. If I can speak 10 different languages and I am gifted with eloquence, yet I have no husband, I am nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
2. If I speak and inspire people all over and change lives and acquire a huge mansion yet I have no husband, I am nothing.
3. If I do charitable works and work so hard to make it in life but I have no husband, I’ve gotten no where. So no matter how much I achieve, I am bankrupt and pitiable without a husband…
Instead of carrying on with the beautiful things life has to offer, some women languish in self-pity because they are ‘husbandless’. It’s like having a husband is everything. It is what defines them. It is what they live for. It is what they try to get against all odds.
This is a cancer that has eaten deep into our society and we need to cure it. This cure starts with YOU. You that insults the single lady and labels her with names. You that accuses her of being insufficient because she has no man. You that keeps comparing her with others, saying, “all your mates are married.” You that pushes her till she wants to wear the Mrs. shoe even when she hasn’t found her size. You need to stop.
You that flaunt your husbands and brag about them not because you are appreciative but because you are using that as a bridge to insult the single lady. You that suddenly stops calling that friend because you are married and she isn’t. You need to to stop.
You the single lady needs to stop too. Yes, you need to take a deep breath, look deep within and value yourself. Regain that self-esteem, which you lost because you didn’t get a husband when you thought you should have gotten one. Stop hanging on men and swallowing their bullshit just because you want them to wife you. You deserve better. You need to stop.
Unfortunately, many ladies (married and single) continue to live under the shadows of men.
Woman, you are special. You have a life to live and even when you share that life with someone, always remember who you are. Marriage is not everything. It is not a must-do. Paul in the Bible wasn’t married yet his writings have blessed us in many ways. You don’t need a man to validate you.
I’m all for marriage. However, I am against society shunning the unmarried as though they are diseased or something. Let’s focus finding and accomplishing our purpose in life, married or not.
First published in my journal at Worldpulse.com.
Hi Precious,
Thanks for this post and you won’t believe what single mature ladies have been going through.I am very much single.Some of my childhood friends have stopped contacting me because I am unmarried.One even said they don’t want a single lady in the circle of their friends unless she’s married.The stigmatisation is out of this world.They see you as a loser but I have grown a thick skin and living my life.I have also set out some goals for myself and they are been achieved one after the other.Besides,I stumbled on your blog by googling why single ladies are stigmatised in Nigeria.Lol
Thank you so much for this! It encouraged me and made me laugh!
Awww so glad to hear that!
Hi Precious, I’m new here and I can say I’m enjoying getting to know more about you. I like this topic and I pray it will come to the notice of many sisters. .. you must not walk your life beside a man’s to be fulfilled. .. A woman is meant to be so much more than that… Thanks for bringing this up.
Awww sso glad to have you here, Francivonne. God bless you, dear.
Thanks a lot for this. I will share with my fellow sisters who think they just have to say “yes” to some random guy because they “must” marry at all cost
Amen. We shouldn’t allow society force us into marrying fast.