ON FIGHTING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE
Published Jan 19, 2017
Updated Jun 13, 2024
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I ran out of the house, went to the car, started it and zoomed off.
I wanted to go far, far away. As far as I could possibly get from my home and my marriage. Then I found a spot at a grocery store parking lot and parked there. I stayed there for perhaps hours. Just talking to myself, praying and shouting at God.
This is not how it was supposed to be, I thought. How can a relationship meant to bring you joy result in so much pain?
I engaged in a fleeing-from-marriage mission. I wanted to let go – not of the fight at hand but of the complete “thing” called marriage.
And I know my case isn’t different.
Truth is, many people have at some point or the other wanted a way out of their marriages. Marriages made up of people who were deeply in love with each other. Still, for some reason, they can’t stop fighting.
I love my man. Still, I get into conflict with him more than with any other person. We disagree, disagree again, then disagree some more. We are so different, so different that sometimes I begin to question our compatibility.
We fight – a lot.
But there’s a better way to fight – not with my husband but for my marriage. You see, marriage is one beautiful institution that God created. But to see the beauty in it, you need to work hard. You need to fight for it.
Intimacy and oneness are not things that get thrust upon you. You need to intentionally work for them. You need to fight… for your marriage.
There are so many voices out there that caution you not to fight for your marriage. You deserve better! Go out there and find someone who will treat you better! The grass is greener on the other side.
But your marriage is worth fighting for (and that grass is not greener on the other side). Your marriage is something precious. It is something valuable that must be protected. And just like with fighting for anything else, fighting for your marriage is not easy. It requires grace.
The grace to forgive even when your spouse doesn’t deserve it. Because that’s the way God loves us. He loves us even when we are undeserving. He keeps looking out for us even when we are far away from Him. His love for us is overwhelmingly strong.
That’s the way you should love your spouse: loving them when they least deserve it. It is not the easiest thing to do in the world but it is the right thing to do. It is the godly thing to do.
You must decide what the roadmap for your marriage is. Is it the word of God? Is it opinion on social media? Or is it modern day philosophy?
If it is the word of God, then make that your final authority.
When I have a burning question about my marriage, I go back to the word of God to see what it says. And I decide to stick to God’s word no matter what. Mixing worldly opinion and God’s word just doesn’t work for me. According to Romans 12:2,
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
The world is tricky. The word offers opinions that are contrary to the Bible. But we need to stand up for God’s truth.
You have to realise that we have an enemy. Our marriages have an enemy. That enemy is not your spouse but he that moves about like a roaring lion seeking whom to devour – the devil. You do not fight this enemy by yelling or packing your things and getting out of the house. You fight this enemy by praying relentlessly. Praying for your marriage with all manner of prayer and supplication.
Because your marriage is worth fighting for. Nourish it, invest in it, believe in it.
How do you fight for your marriage? Please share below.
I could relate to this post, Precious, and yes, there are those moments when u wonder “what in the world made me say I do”. But I’ve never given up cos I choose to prove the devil a liar. It is at such moments that I get a gift for monsieur or cook just for him and… you need to see the restoration!!! Thanks for your posts. I look forward to them.
I know right, Irene. Sometimes the best time to show love to your spouse is when they least deserve it because that’s the way God loves us.
Thanks for your kind words, dear.
Insightful post. And honest.
I really dislike it when people pretend that marriage is all lovey dovey 100%. I feel like they are the ones that set up the single ones for dissapointment at the end of the day. If people were more honest and say, “look, there are times you will feel like killing him or moving out or divorcing him but this is how to handle those feelings or how not to even get to that level” I feel that things will be so much better.
Amen, amen and amen!
We need to be real and honest in matters like this so we do not misdirect others or create false impressions. I couldn’t angry more with this, sis. Thank you!
Dear Precious thankyou for this helpful advice.I will definitely use them in my marriage when I’m married.btw do you know that you are a good counselor?
Aww thanks dear.
This is the best time to learn – when you aren’t married yet. You are saving for the future.
Love how honest this post is. Realised that marriage was indeed a war when I saw the movie warroom. It made me so weak and scared but I also learnt. Missed your blog!
The Small Things
http://Www.laitanbee.com
No don’t be scared, Olaa. Marriage is not something to be scared about. It is also not for the fainthearted. May posts like this equip you.
This is awesome. Sharing the link asap
Thanks for always sharing, bro.
This is so honest sometimes we need to learn how to deal with conflict even in our friendships and other relationships. You are right, the grass is greener where it is watered.
Learn to love yourself
Amen, Dami.
This applies to even our everyday relationships. We need to nourish them.
This post is so real. Patience, wisdom, prayers and all there is… Marriage isn’t indeed a bed of roses but two people can decide to stay married by working on their relationship.
You said it. Marriage isn’t a bed of roses but it can become paradise if both parties work on it. Thanks Jess.
I handed my home over to God from the onset, with Him in the boat, I know my home will always stand.
Yes, we have our down times, but I always make sure we don’t sleep without thrashing our issues out. I will just tell him ‘Bros if rapture happens now, you no dey go anywhere with this malice you re keeping o’, and that settles it.
Little gifts here and there does the magic too.
Finance is one factor that causes a strain in marriages, as a woman,be a good manager I try to think more about my husband’s strength rather than his weakness, so I get less hurt when he displays any of his weaknesses.
May God keep our homes.
Amen! With Jesus in the boat, it will not sink. He can speak peace to every storm.
I love what you always tell your hubby. We have to look on to the higher calling which is eternal life.
May our hopes be sealed with God’s presence and love. Thank you for sharing, dear.
Oh Precious, this post is so profound. I have and I am sure many married people have and still go through this experience. The word of God as you say should always be our road map although the application doesn’t always come easy. As my husband always says, love is not enough, we must be intentional about making our marriages work. Stay blessed. Peace
That’s true, dear. The application of God’s word is not always easy.
Your husband is right. Love alone is not enough. We must combine love with commitment and hard work for our marriages to be healthy.
Thank you for sharing!
Prayer remains the key. The weapon of my warfare are not carnal. At times I feel my husband just exposes himself to be used by the devil but at the end of the day I know a virtuous wife keeps her home. If I have any worry, I talk it out and settle the worry. I don’t keep it for the next day because it kills faster than cancer. Above all things, I have learnt to tolerate and forgive even when he does not ask forgiveness . People’s opinions are not welcome. I don’t talk about my man with any man, not even my mother except I am praising him.
I tell him “I love u “at the end of every conversation. These are the few things I do to keep my marriage always in ” flames”. One small tip, does any one remember the song ” the way to be happy is to make someone happy and you will find another heaven right here”. This is no joke, when am angry with my husband, I try to make myself happy by making him happy. I reason out what would make me happy in the situation we are in, then I go ahead and do it for him. That works almost always.
Last but not the least, I stay quiet when he is angry. I just don’t run. I don’t ran from an argument. I just stay quiet!
Thanks so much for sharing, Splendor! I have picked key points from here:
-Prayer is the key and the weapons of our warfare are not carnal.
-Say “I love you” often.
-Keep quiet when angry. Amen!